<VV> Should be required Reading for commenters (No Corvair - Ihope!)

[Ron]

Do you really expect anyone to read all of that?  Don't hold your breath!
RonH

----- Original Message ----- 
From: <Sethracer at aol.com>
To: <virtualvairs at corvair.org>
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2012 6:47 PM
Subject: <VV> Should be required Reading for commenters (No Corvair - 
Ihope!)


> Guide to being a jerk on line with your  comments (Laugh, please!)
> Announce Your First-ness. There is truly no  greater calling than being 
> the
> first person to comment on a site with several  commenters. The best way 
> to
> claim your territory is simply to post "FIRST!" (in  all caps, and
> preferably in an increased the font size). You will instantly earn  the 
> respect—nay,
> the fear—of your so-called peers.
> Hit and Run. It's a tried and true tactic  for upping your own profile and
> traffic: Stop on some blog that you wouldn't  otherwise visit in one 
> billion
> years, make a comment, and leave. Try only to do  this on posts that you
> absolutely don't care about at all. There's no need to  ever come back and
> form any kind of bond with the original poster or subsequent  commenters. 
> Those
> are people to be used and abused, and you already have  friends. Probably.
> Always Pimp Yourself. Leave links to your  site (or better yet sites). 
> Even
> if you're anonymous—and you should be,  because standing behind your
> comments with your own name as if you believe in  your convictions is just 
> plain
> stupid—find a way to link some URLs in every  post. You can lure away the
> readers so they can read something by someone truly  brilliant—you. Or 
> just
> Rick Roll them. That's still a thing, we swear.
> Start a New Topic. If someone writes a post  about mustard, you should
> steer the conversation toward ketchup. If the video in  question is about 
> the
> daytime, you should be sure to point out how great the  darkness is at 
> night.
> You don't have to stay on topic and other readers will  thoroughly enjoy
> your hijacking of the conversation.
> Make Sweeping Generalizations. Commenting  is, essentially, arguing. The
> best arguments are those that are reduced to slap  fights and that's a
> scientific fact. Since you can't slap people over the Web  (yet), settle 
> for doling
> out general, sweeping "facts." Our favorite here is,  "You're all
> Microsoft/Intel/Apple shills." (Pick one.) And of course, nothing  wins an 
> argument
> faster than calling someone a Nazi or comparing him or her to  Hitler. 
> Better
> yet, try suggesting they're all shills for the Third Reich.
> Throw in Some Graphics. If the comment  system in question allows it,
> illustrate your point with, well, illustrations.  Grab some art off 
> Google, slap
> on a caption that you find hilarious (and thus  everyone else will, too),
> and embed it in your comment. Extra points if you can  get an image that's 
> so
> high-res that it breaks the webpage's entire layout.
> Brevity is the Soul of Not Really Getting Your Point  Across, So Write a
> Long Diatribe. When you know that what you have to  say is worth being 
> heard,
> there's no need to be concise. Getting right to the  point is for...well, 
> I
> don't know. You're an Internet commenter, dammit, and  it's your right to
> take your time, no matter how much meandering and repetition  ensues! If 
> you
> can take a circuitous route to the gist of the matter, all the  better to
> draw in the noobs, because, really, what are they going to do, go read 
> that
> copy of The Corrections that's been sitting on their shelf for ten  years? 
> No,
> because they want to read what you have to say. And besides, that  Franzen
> guy hates ebooks, so he's a jerk, too.
> Where was I? Oh, and should you lose your train of thought on the way, 
> just
> keep typing.
> If you must be brief, be so concise as to say next to nothing at all. Try
> "Whatever." Or "Your Stupid." [stet]
> ALL CAPS MEANS PASSION. WE'VE SAID IT  BEFORE, WE'LL SAY IT AGAIN: WRITING
> IN ALL CAPS JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
> Never Respond. No  one who would try to talk to you deserves a reply. 
> Ever.
> This is doubly true if  you're the author. Why would you ever want to
> engage the idiots who'd dare to  weigh in on what you write? Don't 
> encourage
> them.
> Comment Policies Aren't Laws. Many blogs  and sites have a comment policy,
> such as "no personal attacks on other  commenters" and "keep to the topic 
> at
> hand." These are, of course, simply  guidelines, not real rules. In fact,
> they are put in place by people  who want to challenge you. Well, 
> challenge
> accepted. Go forth and break that  policy. Break it hard. Snap it in half,
> like dried twig. It's what the site  proprietor really wants, especially 
> if
> they actively moderate comments. You want  to challenge them right to 
> their
> stupid faces.
> Don't Be Ignored. On some sites, the  proprietor must approve your posts
> before allowing them to go live. Don't let  them get away with it. If you
> don't see your pithy prose within seconds of  hitting the enter button, 
> start
> inundating the proprietor with questions. Where  is your post? Why didn't 
> it
> go up? How DARE YOU NOT POST IT! Patience is, after  all, for suckers.
> Nice is for Sissies. There's no room on the  Internet to bend over
> backwards to please people. You must imagine that every  person who is 
> commenting
> around you is the most obnoxious loser you have ever  met and needs a 
> smack
> down, which only you can provide. Also, picture them as  weak and unable 
> to
> hit back. That will help you with the next step...
> Flame On! Flaming on comments gets a bad  wrap. Wikipedia defines it as
> "hostile and insulting interaction between  Internet users." Uh...duh. 
> Next to
> porn, that's the whole point of the Internet!  Whether we're talking 
> trivial
> matters, like politics, or real-world issues, like  how much the new iPad
> will suck, the point of Internet comments is to be right,  and the best 
> way
> to prove that is to scorch the earth in a flame war.
> Speling Dosnt Count. If u think whals shuld  live in acuariims by the see,
> and more so, you believe that the first part of  this sentence looks okay,
> you're already an expert commenter. You probably also  text while driving,
> and we won't tell you to stop.
> Conspiracies Aren't Just for Nuts. Look, we  all know it was an Illuminati
> cabal that killed JFK/Princess Di/Whitney Houston,  caused Hurricane
> Katrina, and orchestrated 9/11. Or maybe it was Freemasons at  the Rotary 
> Club.
> Either way, Internet users NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH. It's up to  you to put 
> on
> your tin foil hat, block those mind controlling radio signals from
> Washington, and get the word out. The comments section is an excellent 
> place to  warn
> others that Opus Dei is keeping Area 51 hidden, even if it's at the bottom
> of a YouTube video about crocheting baby-boots.
> Reverse Sandwich. There's a comment  technique called the "sandwich," 
> which
> goes like this: Write a compliment  (bread), toss in some constructive
> criticism or insights (the delicious fatty  meat), and write a short 
> follow-up
> compliment (more stale bread). Sounds almost  nutritious. Gross. What if 
> you
> put all that sliced deli meat on the outside,  Double Down-style? Start 
> with
> a biting criticism, toss in a tiny and  begrudgingly backhanded compliment
> (for example: "I guess you don't completely  suck donkey nards..."), then
> end it with one last meat-slathered personal insult  for good measure. Now
> that's filling.
> Curses. Swear. A lot. Kudos if you can  combine two bad words into one new
> one.
> By the way, all of this also applies to social networks. If you can aim
> such  comments at people you actually call your "friends," then we bow to 
> you,
> King of  Trolldom.
> Back to my comments:
> Of Course - It you recognize yourself above, you will ignore it! -  Seth
> _______________________________________________
> This message was sent by the VirtualVairs mailing list, all copyrights are 
> the property
> of the writer, please attribute properly. For help, 
> mailto:vv-help at corvair.org
> This list sponsored by the Corvair Society of America, 
> http://www.corvair.org/
> Post messages to: VirtualVairs at corvair.org
> Change your options: 
> http://www.vv.corvair.org/mailman/options/virtualvairs
> _______________________________________________
>
>