<VV> GIANT NEWS -ADZ

[Harry Yarnell]

Somebody's puffing on the pipe...

harry yarnell
perryman garage and orphanage
hyarnell1 at earthlink.net
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "corvairs" <lonwall at corvairunderground.com>
To: <VirtualVairs at corvair.org>
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2007 4:24 PM
Subject: <VV> GIANT NEWS -ADZ


>
> Reuters News (April 1 2007) -
>
> It's going to be even easier to buy Corvair parts. Internationally famous 
> Corvair Underground Inc. spokesanimal Boo the Penguin answered questions 
> at a late evening press conference from the company's corporate compound 
> in McMinnville, Oregon.
> In a preparred statement Ms. Boo assured everyone that big changes were 
> just around the next corner. In part, the four main points were -
>
> 1) "Corvair Underground Inc. will be open 24 hours a day beginning 
> tomorrow. The live phone people will work in three 8 hour shifts with the 
> weekend crew working 2 12 hour shifts. Because of Corvair Underground's 
> policy of avoiding working on Sunday, those duties will be handled by 7th 
> Day Adventists, thus assuring a seamless transition." said the feathered 
> Antarcitian.
>
> 2) "Effectively immediatly we will slash all catalog prices by 50% until 
> further notice. This is being done to make way for a major aquisition" 
> continued the Bird.
>
> 3) "We are proud to announce the aquisition of Major Parts Americana, the 
> nation's nearly third largest auto parts retailer. While we realize that 
> they carry very few Corvair parts, thier manufacturing, distribution and 
> market presence will insure a secure future for Corvair Underground." 
> opined the oily little fisheater.
>
> 4) "Finally, and this is the biggest news of all, my rival spokesmodel 
> Jack Bunny, has been sacked. Yup, canned, let go, bounced out, a pink 
> breeze in his pay envelope". Concluded the aviarian with impeccable 
> absurdity.
>
> Reuters news sources have attempted to contact Jack Bunny to confirm or 
> deny this most caustic development but he is currently in the Mojave 
> desert touring with Queens of the Stone Age and could not be levitated for 
> comment. Queens spokesman, Don Van Vliet, stated most presently that 
> "We've heard of no hare. Nowhere, hear or on the air."
>
> If you've continued reading this far through this news article then it 
> should come as no surprise that I am Gerald McOingo Boingo, barrister for 
> the Hiltman family. In a company coup in 2001 most of the family was 
> massicoid by rebels without a guaze. The sole surviving family member is 
> Perish Hiltman who is currently on location making a very foreign movie in 
> Zappastan.
> Over 50 billion of your US pesos is currently being held by the Zappastan 
> government and if I could only ask you to humbly give me your social 
> security number, bank account number and date and place of birth I would 
> make certain that you recieved 90% of that money. How can you lose - but 
> wait there's more -
> Mail in your birth certificate with a waiver of authenticty and we'll 
> double the offer! That means 2 Cap Snafflers - 2 Worn Weasels - 2 Spray on 
> Hair rings plus the high speed electric vibrating clocks - all at the 
> unheard of price.
>
> I trust this is between you and us. Officials should not be contacted 
> officially or otherwise. Remember me fondly, and as it says on my 
> tombstone "I told you I was sick". Duty now, for the future.
>
> End transmission.
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