<VV> "If My Car Could Talk" what would it say ?

[Tony Underwood]

At 01:52 hours 09/07/2005, J R Read_HML wrote:
>Just be glad it can't.
>
>Attachments (if any) are scanned with anti-virus software.
>
>Later, JR
>'61 Rampside Standard 4/110
>'65 Monza Convertible 4/140 (times 2)
>'66 beater Coupe - icemobile 4/140
>
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Charles Lee" <chaz at properproper.com>
>To: "Virtual Vairs" <VirtualVairs at corvair.org>
>Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 2:12 AM
>Subject: <VV> "If My Car Could Talk" what would it say ?
>
>
>What would your Corvair say, if it could talk ?




"Paint me, dammit!   It's been over 20 years and I'm still wearing 
the spots of primer over the remains of that dead silver so gimme a 
break!  I'm the oldest Vair in the fleet and I deserve better than 
this crap you've laid on me about 'gonna paint it this summer if I 
have time' as if *Anybody* anywhere is gonna buy that tired old lie!."


"Where's my turbocharger?   You promised it would be finished last 
spring.   I want my turbo and I want it now!  Just 'cause you put a 
new top on me doesn't mean I'll forget about the turbo!"


(distant shout)   "Hey!   How come I'm still in storage?   It's dark 
and boring back here!   I'm a '69 and I deserve better than this!"


"Well, *I* am a '69 too and nobody drives me!   It's been over a 
month since I've left the driveway!   And I do NOT get bad mileage, 
and it would be better than what it is if you'd left me stock so 
don't give me that excuse!   And I am NOT a storage bin so get this 
box of wax and carb cleaner and PB Blaster and Bleche-White out of my 
front seat!"


"Hell, *I* got new paint, new chrome, new carpet, nice upholstery and 
nobody drives *Me* either so don't start with that crap.  And of 
course it won't be real long before cold weather and since I'm a 
heater-delete '60 from Florida I won't get driven then 
either.    ...jerk!    And FIX MY OIL leaks, cheapskate!   How much 
are tube seals?"


"Shaddup all of ya.   I wish they *didn't* drive me so much!    Back 
and forth every friggin' day like I was general 
transportation!   You'd think they'd cut me some slack but 
Nooooo-ooooo... just get in me and go and never as much as a thank 
you for getting them there and back without any complaint.   And 
nobody bought *me* any carpet to replace these rubber floor mats and 
my seats are getting no respect either, and yet you keep dragging me 
off to every dang Vair show or National Convention you attend like I 
was some sort of everyday conveyance.   I'm almost 39 years old and I 
get tired now and then!   And I wish somebody would *wax* me on 
occasion instead of letting that Nantucket Blue get duller and 
duller!   Yeah yeah, so you got me a space-saver spare, for 
WHAT?   It's not like the original wasn't still doing its job!   Got 
yer asses the rest of the way to Ft Monroe when the right rear blew 
out on Rt 460 didn't it?   And how about an oil change?    Just 
because I don't leak doesn't mean you can ignore the dipstick and run 
me on this 5000 mile old shit like I enjoy it, so CHANGE me or I'm 
gonna hurt ya!"


"...what's all the bitching about?   I just got here last spring and 
so far just about the only place I've been is back and forth to the 
gas station and around the front yard while my floors got worked 
on.   Red wagons get no respect!"


(from across town)   "...neither do '65 ragtops covered with primer 
spots spending all their time sitting in the shop doin' NUTHIN!"


"Heh.   I'm a Mopar.   I don't say much.  I don't have to.  So, don't 
mess with me."


(  Slavic accent:  )   With gas at almost 3 bucks a gallon, you're 
gonna be dragging me and my 40 mpg ass out of storage sooner than 
later, ain't ya?   Or are you still embarrassed to be seen driving a 
Yugo?    Huh?   Are ya?   Keep paying that gas tab... you'll be 
back.   You know it."

"Wer ist er gemacht samtlich Larm?  ICH war schlafend.   Ruhe!!"


"Cool it everybody, you've gone and pissed off the Hersheybar!  Keep 
it down or he'll never stop whining."



*****

It's a cruel and harsh life in this driveway.


tony..