<VV> GIANT NEWS -ADZ

[corvairs]

Reuters News (April 1 2007) -

It's going to be even easier to buy Corvair parts. Internationally 
famous Corvair Underground Inc. spokesanimal Boo the Penguin answered 
questions at a late evening press conference from the company's 
corporate compound in McMinnville, Oregon.
In a preparred statement Ms. Boo assured everyone that big changes were 
just around the next corner. In part, the four main points were -

1) "Corvair Underground Inc. will be open 24 hours a day beginning 
tomorrow. The live phone people will work in three 8 hour shifts with 
the weekend crew working 2 12 hour shifts. Because of Corvair 
Underground's policy of avoiding working on Sunday, those duties will be 
handled by 7th Day Adventists, thus assuring a seamless transition." 
said the feathered Antarcitian.

2) "Effectively immediatly we will slash all catalog prices by 50% until 
further notice. This is being done to make way for a major aquisition" 
continued the Bird.

3) "We are proud to announce the aquisition of Major Parts Americana, 
the nation's nearly third largest auto parts retailer. While we realize 
that they carry very few Corvair parts, thier manufacturing, 
distribution and market presence will insure a secure future for Corvair 
Underground." opined the oily little fisheater.

4) "Finally, and this is the biggest news of all, my rival spokesmodel 
Jack Bunny, has been sacked. Yup, canned, let go, bounced out, a pink 
breeze in his pay envelope". Concluded the aviarian with impeccable 
absurdity.

Reuters news sources have attempted to contact Jack Bunny to confirm or 
deny this most caustic development but he is currently in the Mojave 
desert touring with Queens of the Stone Age and could not be levitated 
for comment. Queens spokesman, Don Van Vliet, stated most presently that 
"We've heard of no hare. Nowhere, hear or on the air."

If you've continued reading this far through this news article then it 
should come as no surprise that I am Gerald McOingo Boingo, barrister 
for the Hiltman family. In a company coup in 2001 most of the family was 
massicoid by rebels without a guaze. The sole surviving family member is 
Perish Hiltman who is currently on location making a very foreign movie 
in Zappastan.
Over 50 billion of your US pesos is currently being held by the 
Zappastan government and if I could only ask you to humbly give me your 
social security number, bank account number and date and place of birth 
I would make certain that you recieved 90% of that money. How can you 
lose - but wait there's more -
Mail in your birth certificate with a waiver of authenticty and we'll 
double the offer! That means 2 Cap Snafflers - 2 Worn Weasels - 2 Spray 
on Hair rings plus the high speed electric vibrating clocks - all at the 
unheard of price.

I trust this is between you and us. Officials should not be contacted 
officially or otherwise. Remember me fondly, and as it says on my 
tombstone "I told you I was sick". Duty now, for the future.

End transmission.