<VV> Lucas Smoke Kit (humor for the car enthusiast) (HUMOR?)

[Louis Armer]

Aren't we glad we collect Corvairs.............Uh oH ..........I 
forgot about WildBill Elliott
from MaryLand !!! <GGG>

FrontMan
Deckrug Enterprises
HotSpark, Nevada
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

>Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke
>
>Have you inadvertently let the smoke out of the wires on your classic
>British car? This, then, is the solution to your problem!
>
>Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness
>Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS
>adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to
>Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the
>rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars.
>The smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has
>released it's original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The
>affected circuit is then rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced.
>An advantage over the cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the
>exceptionally rare Churchill metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables
>the intrepid and highly skilled British Car Technician to meter the precise
>amount of genuine Lucas smoke required by the circuit.
>
>Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIY smoke offered by the "usual
>suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of
>consistent size, It has been our experience in our shop that the
>reproduction Taiwanese smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive
>resistance in our finely-engineered British harnesses and components. This
>is often the cause of failure in the repro electrical parts currently
>available, causing much consternation and misplaced cursing of the big three
>suppliers.
>
>These kits have long been the secret weapon of the "Ultimate Authorities" in
>the trade, and this may be the last one available. Be forewarned, though,
>that it is not applicable to any British vehicle built after the
>discontinuing of bullet connectors, so you Range Rover types are still on
>your own...
>
>This Genuine Factory Authorized kit contains enough smoke to recharge the
>entire window circuit on a 420 Jaguar, and my dear friend and advisor George
>Wolf of British Auto Specialty assures me that he can replace ALL the smoke
>in a W&F Barrett All-Weather Invalid Car(147 CC) with enough left over to
>test a whole box of Wind-Tone horns for escaped smoke. How much more of an
>endorsement do you need?
>
>FAQ's:
>
>Q:
>I have a question.  For some time, my object is to restore a the few
>pre-Chrysler Rootes Sunbeam Tigers to original factory condition, with ALL
>the LAT racing options. So far, I have been quite successful, but unaware of
>your Lucas Smoke Kit. I am perplexed as to it's satisfactory application to
>this original British Classic that Mr. Carroll Shelby has enhanced with a
>lot of Ford (USA) parts. This includes a large portion, but not all, of the
>electrics. It is very easy to differentiate between the Lucas Parts and the
>Ford Parts, as the Ford Parts still work. While we can admire Mr. Lucas for
>the development of the intermittent windshield wiper, the self-dimming
>lighting system, and the colorful turn signal spark generator, it is
>unclear whether your offering will work satisfactorily with so much of the
>electrics originating in the US. Is this device compatible, as the US parts
>do not show signs of leaking smoke?
>
>
>A:
>The Lucas smoke may cause failure of the connecting interstices, but  so
>will everything else.
>
>
>Q:
>Will this kit put back ALL the smoke in a 1975 Midget wire harness? Some
>time ago while driving our 75 Midget smoke began pouring from under the
>hood, after pulling over, smoke was immediately followed by flames. A HUGE
>amount of smoke was lost from the wire harness (10 minutes worth before the
>fire department showed up). Your jar appears to be too small to contain the
>volume of smoke produced by the Midget on that day. Please specify quantity
>of smoke. PS - Would you know where I can get bulk replacement glue-on
>insulation, there is none left on any part of the wire harness under the
>hood. The harness appears to be intact but is lacking smoke holding
>insulation. I'm planning on rerouting the main power buss from over top of
>the fuel line. This way next time I will have smoke, red hot wires without
>melting thru the fuel line. Thanks in advance.
>
>
>A:
>You'll need bulk smoke, but I'd try your last suggestion before ordering
>any. Good luck!
>
>
>Q:
>As you may or may not know, the Japanese 'borrowed' heavily from British
>designs back in the 50's and 60's. In fact, the Skinner Union carbs on my
>beloved Datsun 1600 roadster were actually built by Hitachi under license.
>Also, most of the electrical devises in early Datsuns were copied from
>Lucas. That said, do you know if an adapter is available to use the Lucas
>Kit you offer on a Datsun 1600 or do I need to keep searching for the
>Hitachi/Mitsubishi version? Thanks, Paul
>
>
>A:
>It sort of worked in my Datsun 410 Station Wagon, but the lights all shined
>in instead of out. It was quite disturbing...
>
>
>Q:
>I wonder if you would do an exchange (with a cash adjustment in my favor).
>I have some bottles of 'bottom air' that was supplied by Dunlop many years
>ago. The advantage is that it takes up very little space as of course when
>you get a flat the top air in the tire remains perfectly serviceable, it's
>only the bottom air that needs replacing. I will wait your reply. All the
>best from the UK.
>
>
>A:
>If this is the proper bottom air for a set of 4.00X 10 Gold Seals, we may be
>able to work a deal. We have a '68 Moke in the shop with original rubber,
>and the domestic bottom air keeps migrating out. It evidently doesn't have
>enough atmospheric British ambient smoke to fill the pores in the tires.
>//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

CORSA Tri-membership Chairman
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1965 Corsa Coupe
1964 Greenbrier
1965 Corsa Autocross car 1/2 owner
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